We Weren't Forever

Looking back now I'm glad I didn't...
That I didn't give in,
That I didn't stop believing.
I'm glad that this wasn't forever.
Glad that this was simple,
Glad that this was quick.
I'm glad that we are over,
And that we weren't forever.

GoodBye

This is hard,
Not the leaving, no that's easy.
It's the saying goodbye,
It's knowing that what we had,
Was just a summer fling.
It's knowing that the wound on my heart,
Came from falling too fast,
Without you to catch me.
That's what's hard,
Falling and not stopping.

Not Enough

It's cold, and silent.
I miss the warmth of your hand in mine,
But that was a different day,
A lifetime ago.
Somehow I wound up here
Alone.
When did you leave?
Did you say goodbye,
Do I just not remember?
You've left me with goosebumps,
Along the skin you used to kiss.
All I have left of us,
Are the sweet love letters.
Did I push you away?
Was I too much, too little?
Not enough?

Falling For You

I'm falling,
Hard... not that soft puppy stuff.
But then again maybe this is the puppy stuff.
Why can't I tell?
Life used to be so simple,
Back then you wouldn't have even talked to me.
And now?
Are you falling with me...
Or do you just see someone to use?
Seems like I'm falling for you...

Just a Kiss

I want you the way the flower wants the sun,
I want to feel vulnerable around you like a golden leaf.
I want you to feel the way I do,
To feel the love that is crushing my heart.
I want for this to stop,
This hurt, this pain.
Why do I feel like this,
Used, unclean, unwanted?
What did I do,
Did I move too slow?
Did I say something wrong?
Why are you doing this to me?
I thought that all you wanted was a kiss.
Just a kiss...

Wanted

Wanted: A time machine
To go back and warn.

Wanted: An explanation,
Of why things happen.

Wanted: Words that will make,
Everything better.

Wanted: Tears,
Mine stopped a while ago.

Wanted: Something real,
To believe in.

Falling

Spinning out of control
Diving head first
Headed straight for Earth
Getting faster.
Lightly landing on the grass
Surrounded by those who
Went before
Piling up one on top
Of another
Until there is a pile
Just big enough to
Jump in.

Kissing Frogs

It all starts the same
Eyes meeting across the room
Flirting and giggling
Then he asks
And I don't really want to say yes
But I do and he smiles
I force a smile
And say I have to go
The night comes
I finish getting ready
He's late, 30 minutes
I let it slide and get in his car
At the restaurant he gets the challange
(You know, if you eat it all in time it's free)
And that's it
He doesn't let me get anything else
We eat... and "Yay" it's free
He drops me off
But leans in for a kiss
I guess I have to kiss a few frogs
To find a prince.

Alone

Little teardrops fall from the dark overstuffed irate clouds that hang over head. Alone in a large empty unappealing room, lay an unconscious teenage boy. His face covered in pure white gauze and tubes, hiding unsightly cuts and bruises that now disfigure his almost perfect face.

His high cheek bones and strong jaw no longer dominant, the only feature left untouched by the disparaging gauze was his almost too large nose, that looked as if it had been broken one too many times.

He is alone, eyes peacefully closed, not noticing the chaotic world around him. Oblivious to the fact that there is no one there to talk to him even though they know he cannot hear them, no one to cry by his bed praying for him to open his deep green eyes. There are no friends, no family, no one to stand up for what he wants, or what's best for him.

A woman walks in, her stride strong and confidant. A look of deep and unchanging disgust and disappointment find their way across her petite features, bringing out her eyes that are untouched by the tragedy.

She thinks she knows him, his wants, his needs, his secrets, but she doesn't, not really. She doesn't know about the time in his woods behind the house, the time across the street at the neighbor's house, or the secret he keeps so dearly.

No she doesn't know him at all.

I'll Think Of A Reason Later

She’s “pretty”
The kind of pretty you see in magazines
only in magazines

The kind of
“Pretty” achieved through eating disorders
or plastic surgery.


So yeah I don’t like her
In fact I think I hate her


I took one of her pictures
and blacked out some of her
teeth and added horns


I don’t care what her personality is
Whether she’s kind or not


Yes I realise this is childish
but I don’t care


I really hate her
I’ll think of a reason later

Rain

Tell me something
What makes you think
That you can treat me
Like this?
What is it about me
That makes you so this?
Really I want to know
Cause I don’t think I can
Take it any more...
It’s falling down
But will the sun
Come out again?
I can’t take this
Rain.

Just By Being You

We run, far from the city line
It’ll just be the two of us
Running for the answer
The truth...
We’ll tell each other
Everything,
Taking turns telling
Secrets.
You’ll be my angel
And I’ll be yours...
No matter what
Because you take me to
Heaven just by being
You.

Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not?

The two of us... well its
almost always just the
two of us, up there on my
roof, under the stars
where we shared our first
kiss, and you tentatively leaned
toward me, and I called you on
being a coward...
When it was just the two
of us, we didn’t care what
the others thought because
it was always just us...
We went to collage... together
of course... and graduated
and that night, under the stars,
you got down on one knee.
Months later we’re at the alter
and we both say I do, and the
preacher says “You may now
kiss the bride.” You hesitate and
the only thing I can think to say is
“Are you going to kiss me or not?”

Remember

Remember those nights we spent under the stars
Remember those nights we spent under the stars
In the woods behind your house where we played
In the wood behind your house where we played
We remember in those woods under the stars
Where the nights spent we played behind your house.

But we were young and foolish then
But we were young and foolish then
With childish fantasies of flying and dreams
With childish fantasies of flying and dreams
Then we were childish flying with dreams
Young and foolish and of fantasies

Now there are no false hopes of life
Now there are no false hopes of life
You have left and I am alone
You have left and I am alone
Now I have no false hopes left
You are there of life and am alone

Remember I spent those nights with you
We have left the childish there alone
But young and foolish dreams are of flying
Under your house we were behind the stars
And no false hopes played then in woods
Now then we of life and am of fantasies

Forever Gone

They have ruined you, my hide away, my secret place. Your beautiful, lucious trees are gone, the ones left are old and colorless. You have changed, my island of peace, of freedom, of saftey, over taken by the progressive city line. Your simple trail made completed by asphalt. I escape, turn away for awhile only to return and find my refuge gone, destroyed, dimolished, and dismantled by thoes who have shunned us both.

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Lake of Tears

I am cold, lost the feeling in my arms sometime ago and my feet longer still. I'm stuck, something is around my waist, I can't move. All I can do is stare straight ahead. Through the murky lake I see bright light, it hits the water and explodes like Vegas night lights. Beings (fish I think) swim around me, they play along my skin and through my hair. I don't know how I got here, but... I can't finish... I'm so cold. I stare straight ahead of me, my glazed eyes forever seeing.

Daycare ABC's

A falls asleep to the sound of B's snoreing while
C chases D who stole E's keys, F tells them to be quiet,
G dances with H, I sees all, and J sees none,
K pulls L's ponytail, M tatles because N ate Q's cookies while
P and Q spin in circles, R hugs S
and T hangs upside-down in U's arms while
V throws toys to W and X chases Y on bikes,
all while Z was on the phone talking about
                                            how A fell asleep.

Everything I Never Wanted to Remember

It’s 2011 March 1^st
and it’s raining, little droplets
running down the dark window.
I didn’t know I loved the rain,
pouring down from the sky like water from the tap.
I don’t like
comparing rain to water from the tap.

I didn’t know I liked flying
until that one day he taught me to jump from the swing.
I’ve never actually flown though
does that count?

I’ve always loved tag,
chasing people around the playground,
only to tackle them in a tickle fight.
I love the simple two person tag,
and we’d run around in circles chasing each other.

I never knew I liked falling,
landing in a pile of freshly raked leaves
until we spent the afternoon taking turns.
I never knew I loved the silence
mixed with the sound of his heartbeat,
until that day when we hid in the woods behind his house.

I’ve never liked fighting
screaming at the top of our lungs
just to see who could be louder.
And I don’t like keeping secrets,
the ones that hurt to know.

I didn’t know I loved being missed,
until I walked away only to have him chase after me.
I don’t like
being the one doing the missing.

We’re spinning in circles,
dancing and laughing.
Then we fall, my head next to his
our breathing ragged.
We smile at nothing and he laughs his loud laugh.

Then we fight again, only this time
there is no hugs to make it better.
I’m yelling, screaming for someone to hear me,
and throwing punches, while he just lets me.
He walks away and leaves, there are no reassurances
he doesn’t promise to write and I don’t apologize.

It’s a few years later and I didn’t know
that I hate sad endings,
the unfinished stories. I didn’t
know that loving the rain would bring out
everything I never wanted to remember.

What Am I?

What am I? This rippled figure
In the water, makes me think
Me, the epitome of shy-ness
Unable to take the initiative
The lover of books buried in
My best of friends, the new
Worlds that have yet to be
Discovered, here I am the
Loser of friends and mourner
Of lost causes, little me the
Meaner me, a ruder me
The lost me, with her friends
Of old, a dancer, a runner
Me, the changer, switcher of
Schools, Me avoider of conflict,
Is this what I am? The griever of
Friends, the denier of death,
Me the influencer of decisions,
Annoyer of the blind parental  figures,
Me, the simpler me, a hider, a
Disappearer of epic proportions
The only person that sees all this is
The better me, the perfecter me,
The truer me hidden in my reflection.

I've Never

There are a great many things

That I have yet to do

So I’ve created a list of heart pings

That is long overdue

I’ve never danced a tango

Never flung myself at the ground

And missed or won best all around

Nor hit a monkey with a mango.

I’ve never been paid

To scoop someone ice cream

Never been subject to a police raid

Or held back during a scream

Nor have I gotten sick

From a rollercoaster, never told

A secret or resold

The gifts I didn’t like.

Never have I crashed

My dad’s new truck

Or eaten something smashed

I’ve never tested my luck

In Vegas on a slot machine

Nor have I broke a bone

And survived a cyclone

Or ridden in a submarine.

I’ve never been parachuting

Or eaten a fig

Or gone hang gliding

Nor have I danced a gig

I haven’t run a marathon

Or gone to college

Nor lied about my age

Or worked at the pentagon

There are many things I haven’t done

Things I wish I had

The list just goes on and on

And I’ll keep writing

Wishing it was shorter.

Valentines

what of this
gooey gush
filled holiday
couple after couple
what of the
singles
are we to
ignore the stabs
our hearts left empty

Written on The Sky

Written on the sky.        

                                 talks                                      life after                                                                                                                                                                                               Chicago                                                        this time                                                                                                                                                                      Song        Disappeared Love                          August                  Action                                                                                                                                       professor                                                                                                        invited                     come                     this evening                                                       event,                                             amazing.              Own                                            deep     shaky,                                                                                                                   literally     disappearing nations.                                                Humbling                             part of                                                                 event, clearly                                                                                     familiar,                                                                                experiences                                                                                                      gravity.                 Rare                                            touches                                                hope                                                                                   radical,                                                  and brutal                                                                                                                                                                           influences.                         Years                     defined                                                                                                               torture.                     Public                                                                    New Life                                                                                                                              carved the phrase                                           Pain Fear                                                                                                                                 Purgatory,                                                was strange.                      World full of conflict,                                                                                                                      respond to terror                powerful as the pain                                                   try to avoid        difficult.                                                                      Black and white                                         right:                                     was all weird.                                                    Speak of punishment,                   in the street,                                                                                                                                                     disappeared, beaten, imprisoned.                          Exactly.