Everything I Never Wanted to Remember

It’s 2011 March 1^st
and it’s raining, little droplets
running down the dark window.
I didn’t know I loved the rain,
pouring down from the sky like water from the tap.
I don’t like
comparing rain to water from the tap.

I didn’t know I liked flying
until that one day he taught me to jump from the swing.
I’ve never actually flown though
does that count?

I’ve always loved tag,
chasing people around the playground,
only to tackle them in a tickle fight.
I love the simple two person tag,
and we’d run around in circles chasing each other.

I never knew I liked falling,
landing in a pile of freshly raked leaves
until we spent the afternoon taking turns.
I never knew I loved the silence
mixed with the sound of his heartbeat,
until that day when we hid in the woods behind his house.

I’ve never liked fighting
screaming at the top of our lungs
just to see who could be louder.
And I don’t like keeping secrets,
the ones that hurt to know.

I didn’t know I loved being missed,
until I walked away only to have him chase after me.
I don’t like
being the one doing the missing.

We’re spinning in circles,
dancing and laughing.
Then we fall, my head next to his
our breathing ragged.
We smile at nothing and he laughs his loud laugh.

Then we fight again, only this time
there is no hugs to make it better.
I’m yelling, screaming for someone to hear me,
and throwing punches, while he just lets me.
He walks away and leaves, there are no reassurances
he doesn’t promise to write and I don’t apologize.

It’s a few years later and I didn’t know
that I hate sad endings,
the unfinished stories. I didn’t
know that loving the rain would bring out
everything I never wanted to remember.