Cold

I've never felt this cold
A bone chilling cold
It's flowing through me
Filling me from the toes up
All the warmth seeped away
Leaking into
The world
The people
The places
They are all stealing from me
Sucking away my life
Slowly killing me
So cold
Freezing
Cold

Stuck

I just want to go back
Back to the days where nothing went wrong
Back to long car rides
To piggy backs
To holding hands
When nothing was stronger
When nothing meant more
I just want to go back
To gather the memories
The ones that seem to slip away
Memories of laughter
Memories of anger
Happiness, joy and love
I wanna go back
Before my world turned
Dark
Cold
Frightening
Impossible
Forward seems so foreboding
I just want to go back

A Lie

I love you I'll see you soon

the words echo through my mind

he lied to me

i can't believe he would do that

he's gone and he lied

who am i supposed to go on drives with

who will tell me to clean out my car

who's gonna walk me down the aisle

he's gone 

there is nothing i can do

he left me

he promised me he'd...

but it doesn't matter because he's gone 

and the last thing he said to me

was a lie

a flat

outright

lie

Frustrated Screams

The silent angry yells
Filled to the brim
With complete frustration.
Mouth gaping wide,
The unsatisfied anger
Pushing to come out.
Can't help but think
What can I do
To stop the pain.
The pain of frustration
The pain of anger
The pain of emotion.
Emotion that rips you apart,
That scratches at your insides.
Frustrated tears,
Angry motions,
Unhappy sighs. 

The Fall

We fall to the earth small and screaming

Unable to care or fend for ourselves

Left to the care of the ones who caught us

Life

He paces back and forth, the grass dying the underside of his feet. He is waiting, waiting for life to begin, waiting to grow older, waiting to get away, and waiting for her. His parents had been fighting... again and he needed to talk.

He watched as she ran up the sidewalk, her high ponytail bouncing and hitting her face. He's stopped pacing, to stare at her, from her long waist length hair to her deep intelligent fresh water eyes.

She jumped at him wrapping her arms around his upper body, taking him by surprise and knocking them both to the ground.

A fit of giggles over takes her and he lies on the ground while she works to calm herself. He takes a deep breath, taking in the smell of sunflowers and oranges.

Finally calming down she stands up and walks away. His world feels empty as she walks away, cars speed by and people pass, but he is all alone.

She turns around, half way through the yard, and calls for him to follow, a smile gracing her small face. He races to her, and together they run to their woods, the small patch of trees just behind his house. He scrambles ahead and up the large boulder, staring up at him she tries to jump onto the rock.

As he turns to help her up she falls backward, he watches as she picks herself up, dusting the dirt off her jeans. He helps her up and they talk. He tells her of his parents, their fighting and looks of disappointment. She listens quietly, taking his problems and baring the load.

The two of them sit there on the large rock in the woods behind his house; they are both young and childish. She stands and dances around him, laughing and giggling no trace of sorrow on her face. His is covered in worry, but as she dances around him, the lines begin to fade and soon he joins in the merriment. They clasp hands and spin in circles, there is no end in sight for their time together. She is the first to collapse, practically throwing herself to the rock beneath them. Her laughter rings melodically through the thin woods as she pulls him down to sit with her again.

But when she goes home and he stands in the yard watching as the fading sunlight glistens in her hair, he's left to go inside alone.

Inside the house filled with disappointment.

Falling

Truthfully I don’t know how I got here, here being literal as well as figurative. Here being nowhere, everywhere with the wind rushing around me and the ground growing closer and closer. I jumped that much I know for sure, I had leaped from the top of that cliff. But why I could not for the life of me remember, I hit the surface of the icy water below it took my breath away. Sinking slowly to the bottom of the freezing sea, my mind became clearer and I remembered. This was my choice of ending, I chose this over the fate that destiny had sent for me, death that would come at the hands of my brother, my death that would be torturous, painfully slow where the end would never come sooner. My brother the kindest sweetest soul I have ever met, the only man I know who would never rush off to war, to battle, to kill. But I seem to be getting ahead of myself.

We Weren't Forever

Looking back now I'm glad I didn't...
That I didn't give in,
That I didn't stop believing.
I'm glad that this wasn't forever.
Glad that this was simple,
Glad that this was quick.
I'm glad that we are over,
And that we weren't forever.

GoodBye

This is hard,
Not the leaving, no that's easy.
It's the saying goodbye,
It's knowing that what we had,
Was just a summer fling.
It's knowing that the wound on my heart,
Came from falling too fast,
Without you to catch me.
That's what's hard,
Falling and not stopping.

Not Enough

It's cold, and silent.
I miss the warmth of your hand in mine,
But that was a different day,
A lifetime ago.
Somehow I wound up here
Alone.
When did you leave?
Did you say goodbye,
Do I just not remember?
You've left me with goosebumps,
Along the skin you used to kiss.
All I have left of us,
Are the sweet love letters.
Did I push you away?
Was I too much, too little?
Not enough?

Falling For You

I'm falling,
Hard... not that soft puppy stuff.
But then again maybe this is the puppy stuff.
Why can't I tell?
Life used to be so simple,
Back then you wouldn't have even talked to me.
And now?
Are you falling with me...
Or do you just see someone to use?
Seems like I'm falling for you...

Just a Kiss

I want you the way the flower wants the sun,
I want to feel vulnerable around you like a golden leaf.
I want you to feel the way I do,
To feel the love that is crushing my heart.
I want for this to stop,
This hurt, this pain.
Why do I feel like this,
Used, unclean, unwanted?
What did I do,
Did I move too slow?
Did I say something wrong?
Why are you doing this to me?
I thought that all you wanted was a kiss.
Just a kiss...

Wanted

Wanted: A time machine
To go back and warn.

Wanted: An explanation,
Of why things happen.

Wanted: Words that will make,
Everything better.

Wanted: Tears,
Mine stopped a while ago.

Wanted: Something real,
To believe in.

Falling

Spinning out of control
Diving head first
Headed straight for Earth
Getting faster.
Lightly landing on the grass
Surrounded by those who
Went before
Piling up one on top
Of another
Until there is a pile
Just big enough to
Jump in.

Kissing Frogs

It all starts the same
Eyes meeting across the room
Flirting and giggling
Then he asks
And I don't really want to say yes
But I do and he smiles
I force a smile
And say I have to go
The night comes
I finish getting ready
He's late, 30 minutes
I let it slide and get in his car
At the restaurant he gets the challange
(You know, if you eat it all in time it's free)
And that's it
He doesn't let me get anything else
We eat... and "Yay" it's free
He drops me off
But leans in for a kiss
I guess I have to kiss a few frogs
To find a prince.

Alone

Little teardrops fall from the dark overstuffed irate clouds that hang over head. Alone in a large empty unappealing room, lay an unconscious teenage boy. His face covered in pure white gauze and tubes, hiding unsightly cuts and bruises that now disfigure his almost perfect face.

His high cheek bones and strong jaw no longer dominant, the only feature left untouched by the disparaging gauze was his almost too large nose, that looked as if it had been broken one too many times.

He is alone, eyes peacefully closed, not noticing the chaotic world around him. Oblivious to the fact that there is no one there to talk to him even though they know he cannot hear them, no one to cry by his bed praying for him to open his deep green eyes. There are no friends, no family, no one to stand up for what he wants, or what's best for him.

A woman walks in, her stride strong and confidant. A look of deep and unchanging disgust and disappointment find their way across her petite features, bringing out her eyes that are untouched by the tragedy.

She thinks she knows him, his wants, his needs, his secrets, but she doesn't, not really. She doesn't know about the time in his woods behind the house, the time across the street at the neighbor's house, or the secret he keeps so dearly.

No she doesn't know him at all.

I'll Think Of A Reason Later

She’s “pretty”
The kind of pretty you see in magazines
only in magazines

The kind of
“Pretty” achieved through eating disorders
or plastic surgery.


So yeah I don’t like her
In fact I think I hate her


I took one of her pictures
and blacked out some of her
teeth and added horns


I don’t care what her personality is
Whether she’s kind or not


Yes I realise this is childish
but I don’t care


I really hate her
I’ll think of a reason later

Rain

Tell me something
What makes you think
That you can treat me
Like this?
What is it about me
That makes you so this?
Really I want to know
Cause I don’t think I can
Take it any more...
It’s falling down
But will the sun
Come out again?
I can’t take this
Rain.

Just By Being You

We run, far from the city line
It’ll just be the two of us
Running for the answer
The truth...
We’ll tell each other
Everything,
Taking turns telling
Secrets.
You’ll be my angel
And I’ll be yours...
No matter what
Because you take me to
Heaven just by being
You.

Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not?

The two of us... well its
almost always just the
two of us, up there on my
roof, under the stars
where we shared our first
kiss, and you tentatively leaned
toward me, and I called you on
being a coward...
When it was just the two
of us, we didn’t care what
the others thought because
it was always just us...
We went to collage... together
of course... and graduated
and that night, under the stars,
you got down on one knee.
Months later we’re at the alter
and we both say I do, and the
preacher says “You may now
kiss the bride.” You hesitate and
the only thing I can think to say is
“Are you going to kiss me or not?”